i told myself i wasn't going to comment on the presidential election, but i will say this: i weep for america.

today

i went to see my new therapist for the first time today. i was lucky enough to get to fill him in on the trip to the emergency room yesterday. i couldn't control my emotions and went from curled up and crying to a rage in which i punched through a leaded glass window three times. i then tryed to take the shards and cut up my arms, but the glass was too think and the sides too dull to penetrate very deeply. luckily the window was one just sitting on the deck, waiting for something to be done with it. they were going to put my back in the psych hospital, but no one had any beds available, they even tried once place 2 hours away. so they actually had me sign something saying i wouldn't kill myself without calling them. handly little document i suppose. today has been awful, i alternate between the adavan and hydroxyzine and it's never enough. i keep wanting to cry for no reason. i don't know why i am telling this to you, i have told you before i don't like pity. but maybe you know someone like me, and maybe this will help explain what they are going through. cut them slack, be their friend, love them. or get the hell out. we don't need part time friends, they are all around when we are doing good, but let us slip into an episode, and SEE YA! fuck em, we don't need them around. i have very few friends, and most of them are people i have met online. but they are true friends who have stuck with me through thick and thin, who will always be there. they are thee kinds of people who you could call and ask for bail money at 3am and they would never even ask why you needed it. i thank each and every one of you. you make my days easier to live with and my nights easier to sleep through. i wish there were more people like you or that some of you might consider relocating to arkanas. yeah, probably not going to happen there, eh? oh well, i still love you all.